It is unpopular these days to talk about using physical punishment (like spanking) on a child. There is a fine line between a well intended action and an abuse. The courts are typically on the side of a defenseless child. I remember spanking one of my children once. I still regret it to this day. I do have great children and that one incidence reflected on my inexperience as a parent, and the lack of self-control in managing my own anger and shame. Do I advocate it? Yes I still do, but under very well-controlled and loving manner in extremely difficult situation when all other non-physically painful means of discipline have failed.
This is a favorite verse for those who supports corporal punishment for the purpose of disciplining a child.
Prov 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
And there are other verses using words like discipline or correction, which don't necessarily imply inflicting bodily pain.
Prov 15:32
Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.
In reading through the Book of Proverbs yet again, have I gained newer insight into this subject? For this study I will focus on understanding the meaning of the "Rod".
The Hebrew word for "Rod" is "Shebet" (not to confuse it with Sherbet - a dessert!). According to this article "Dare to Discipline" the most likely definition of the word in this context is a staff (shepherding stick), sceptre (ruling stick), or punishment stick. If the word means “shepherding stick” then it would seem to indicate guiding and protecting. Contrary to the pro-spanking teaching, shepherds do not beat their sheep. Sheep need a lot of guidance and protection for which the shepherd’s rod serves them well. It makes a very nice picture of a parent gently guiding their children to greener pastures (see how comforting the Lord my Shepherd's rod can be in Psalms 23).
In this exhaustive look ("Suffer the Little Children") at all 36 places in the bible (in the King James Version translation) where the word "rod" is used, it seems fair to conclude (and I quote) that:
- There are no examples of children being beaten with a rod (unlike the fools in Pr 26:3!).
- We see in most other instances that the word "rod" is used to symbolize God's authority or the authority of a nation.
- If you read the "shebet" passages in Proverbs , you will see that you can usually substitute the word "authority" for "rod", which can be referring to God's authority or a nation's authority, or to a parent's authority over his children as in Proverbs 23:13-14:
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
14 Punish them with the rod and save them from death.
Pr 23:13 presents a particular problem in that it suggests that punishing (presumably beating) a child with a rod would not cause death and yet in Exodus, we saw that a man could cause someone to die with a literal shebet. It is therefore reasonable to interpret the meaning of "rod" in a figurative sense of "authority". You cannot kill someone with your authority. You can be punishing them with your authority by using your authority to discipline (teach, disciple, educate, instruct) and guide them.
If Pr 23:13 were referring to a literal beating, taken in context, it would have to be speaking about a grown child. The verses before and after are written by a father speaking to his grown or almost grown son. However, you still have the problem of the contradiction as far as whether or not a "shebet" can cause someone to die.
Take home points:
It is not easy to raise children. None of us went to school to learn to be a parent. I see a variety of style in my clinical practice of how parents treat their children. It is particularly delightful to see parents handling their ADHD kids with such grace. My children are grown up now. Praise God that I did not mess up too badly (I hope!). Over the years I have learned that there are so many loving ways to help children behave without resolving to spanking. Trust God for guidance knowing that God loves them way more than I ever can love them. One of the most sacrificial love that God has demonstrated to us is that He gives us the freedom to choose. It must be painful to God to see us even as grown ups to choose to mess up in so many ways. Yet He waits patiently, continuing to shower us with His love. I should do likewise.
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