Paul's view on Sex and Marriage

I am enjoying a week off at the cottage. There are two married couples and a single woman who was never married. Later into the week two more couples are to join us, one married and another not (yet). Also a conversation came up a couple of days ago following a hike with my hiking group. We were reflecting on how special the group has been for all of us. Other than sharing a common interest on healthy exercises I had noticed that all of us were men who had been married to the same women for a very long time. This is becoming less and less common in our culture. So this morning's scripture reading is somewhat timely, even as I am surrounded by God's wonderful creation.

1 Corinthians 7 is very interesting and is often quoted when it comes to the Christian institution of marriage. What is particularly interesting to me this morning is to understand whether:
(1) Paul was answering the questions that were raised by the Corinthian church
(2) Paul was stating mostly his own view or preference in light of his own situation
(3) Paul was teaching God's best intention for us when it comes to sex and marriage

The chapter began with 'Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”' (7:1)
It appeared that Paul had previously received a letter from the Corinthian church asking him to explain or give his view on a matter that may have caused a dispute in the church. There seemed to be a view that it is "good" for a man to live a celibate life. The word "good" has, in its context, the meaning of "being expedient", i.e. because of "the present crisis" (verse 26) - the unsettled state of the world at that time. Christians were being persecuted for their faith by both the Romans and the Jews. Remaining single would avoid marriages being torn apart in such difficult times. So celibacy was not considered more superior and therefore should be pursued by all men. This is further supported by Hebrews 13:4 which stated that "Marriage should be honored by all,". However, Paul did suggest that in some cases celibacy may be a matter of Christian expediency. In 1 Corinthians 7:34-35, being single had the advantage of being able to live "in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord".  But these are exceptional cases, and in exceptional times, such as those of Paul.

Paul did state some general rules concerning sex and marriage:
(1) Married or unmarried - avoid Sexual Immorality (7:2-5) - apparently sexual immorality was very prevalent at Corinth. In fact in 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 we learned that "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud!". So being married and having partners fulfilling their duties to satisfy each others sexual needs may avoid sexual immorality. But Paul did say also that "I say this as a concession, not as a command." And for those who have been given celibacy as a gift they can remain single and still be able to avoid sexual immorality (7:6-7). Likewise, get married if singleness is difficult: "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (7:8-9)

(2) Divorce is always a bad idea (7:10-11) - this wasn't just Paul's idea. "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." It appeared that there may be situation when a wife may choose to separate from her husband (e.g. in an abusive situation). In this case she must remain unmarried. It is interesting that Paul's view on this is based on the Lord Jesus and not necessarily based on Jewish tradition (Matthew 5:31-32).

(3) Stay married between a believer and a unbelievers (presumably the believer came to faith after marriage) - this was Paul's view only (7:12-14). "To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." I really like the idea that staying married to an unbeliever has the influence of "setting this relationship apart" (which is what the word sanctification means) and has a definite influence on their children. This has the similar effect on Christian marriages when one believer is further down the path of faith than the other. Staying together is better, in general. I don't think Paul was endorsing the choice of divorce here. He was simply stating a "better way".

(4) If the unbeliever leaves, let it be so (7:15-16) - "the brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" There may be the situation when the way of peace means a divorce. We have to trust God that salvation may still come to the spouse who has left. I would imagine the same situation may be true if a believer leaves (despite the Lord's clear command not to - see (3)). In this case, Jesus seemed to command that the believer should remain single unless the one who left the marriage was remarried, or was having sexual relationship with someone else (Matthews 19:3-9).

There is no doubt Paul (and the Christian church) was under great persecution. He advocated a number of expedient rules mostly based on the uncertainty the church was facing at the time, these include:
(1) Don't change your status if you can help it (on matters of circumcision, slavery, and marital status)
"This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them."(7:18-20)
"Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them." (7:21-24)
"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." (7:25-28)

(2) Time is short. Put all our concern as to the Lord
"What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." (7:29-31)

What do I take from all this? Our situation is quite different now. I think the "wisdom" is that whether we are at peace or under persecution, and whatever situation we find ourselves in, we should still do the best we can in this present life as "unto our Lord". We should "number our days" (Psalms 90:12) and fulfill our duties while we are still on this earth. When it comes to marriage - divorce is not an option. My marriage is a sacred gift from God. Here is Paul's further teaching on being a husband:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." (Ephesians 5:25-28)